U.G.L.Y.: Not the "Puffy" You Might Think

Well.

I suppose I need to award points for creativity, because it's not often you see a Maid Marion costume refashioned as a sweater.

Let's go in for a close-up, shall we?

On the bright side (if that's even possible), it's cashmere, so at least your skin will feel like it's being kissed by a thousand tiny angels. Unfortunately, the rest of you will be getting laughed at. Not really an even trade.

Hello, Gorgeous!: You Siren.

Some people are not so good with the makeup application. Marilyn Manson, for example, doesn't appear to know what he's doing. Neither did Tammy Faye Bakker, and speaking of, there was a spider in the condo the other day with legs EXACTLY like her eyelashes. (It was also the fastest spider I've ever seen, so maybe it had abnormally developed leg muscles.) Anyway, the fear of looking like either of those people usually prevents me from trying anything new on my face. Usually.

Maybe it's leftover brain clog from when I played basketball, but I still use the phrase "go big or go home." I don't change up my cosmetic routine that often, but when I do, I want it to count:

That's red lipstick. Retro Red, actually, from New York Color. I think I bought this around the time of my last birthday, but I forgot I had it until a few weeks ago. When I first wore it in December, I was really pale and looked kind of like a vampire, but now that it's summer and I have a healthy glow, I look like a mortal when I put it on. Which is a plus.

Another plus is the price. Get ready... it's a dollar! I've been happier with this lipstick than others that are much more expensive. It's smooth without being too shiny, and it stays on my lips (as opposed to my teeth, which are not red).

The third and final plus is that N.Y.C. is sold all over the damn place, so you shouldn't have any problems unleashing your inner bombshell. Go forth and enjoy.

On the Cheap: Blogger Fail

Readers, I made an oopsie.


I had a post all worked out where I'd talk about how ruffly shirts are the bee's knees right now, and how these are on clearance at Overstock (a site I normally skip, but I'll have to stop that), and then I'd muse about how lovely any of them would look under a nice cardigan.

But in the time it took me to slap the pictures together in Paint, two of them sold out. Fail.

If you move sharpish, you can still get the orange one here.

Miscellaneous: Close Call

Our house is messy. Well, I suppose it's not really a house so much as a condo, but whatever. It ain't clean, is my point. Today I snapped and spent the morning tidying up. At one point, I had to decide if I was going to stop working and take the train into the city, or if I wanted to keep playing Susie Homemaker for an additional hour and a half and just drive. It's a lot cheaper to take the train, but I was in stride (plus it was raining again and I didn't really want to walk in it), so I chose to eat my parking costs and drive.

It turned out to be a better decision than I realized, because cops opened fire in an intersection I walk through everyday when I take the train. From what I've heard and read since, a panhandler was trying to steal somebody's purse and pulled out a knife. The cops tried to subdue him with pepper spray, but it only made the panhandler stab one of the officers. You can guess how the rest went.

So, I'm rattled. Even though this is the city, shootings don't typically happen in this neighborhood (the Loop), and they certainly don't happen on State Street (which is one of two shopping districts you might have heard of; the other is Michigan Avenue, about a mile north).

I don't really know what to say now, except for the cliched "This feels like something out of a movie," so I'll take that as my cue to find you some deals.

Everybody stay safe.

(Photo: Chicago Tribune)

Web Gem: I need all of these.

Ya know what? People need to be more whimsical.

The aptly named Whimsical Treasures over at Etsy would be a good place to start if you're not sure how to let out your inner fancy. Most things are between $20 and $30.

(P.S. Are you impressed by my advanced skills in Microsoft Paint?)

Go Retro: Double Trouble

This sweater is so cute that it made me yell "SHUT UP!" to the room at large again. Sadly, nobody was in here to answer my cry, but I work with a bunch of men and they probably wouldn't have appreciated it, anyway:

Sigh. Too bad it's cashmere and $200, because this is the only retro item I've posted that I actually have occasion to wear. It'd be work appropriate with dark jeans, black pants, any of my pencil skirts...

Bummed as I am, I can't hold a grudge against a store with a sweet name like Fast Eddie's Retro Rags, especially when that sweater is at the pricey end of their spectrum. In the spirit of affordability, you could buy a rhinestone cardigan for $55.

I approve.

Web Gem: Good Deeds

So here I am, watching TV at work, minding my own business, when I see a commercial for the new season of Oprah. I caught it halfway through, but here's how it went:

"The show that makes history..."
Cut to Oprah hugging Nelson Mandella.
"Over and over..."
Oprah walking down the street with Bono (ugh).
"Will do it again..."
Oprah onstage at the Kodak Theater.
"Whitney Houston: The Exclusive Interview"

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! We have another musician who was on drugs, did a reality show, got divorced, and then recorded some new material. THAT IS NOT NEW OR GROUNDBREAKING, OPRAH. And it's certainly not worth putting in any history books. In fact, I wonder how Nelson Mandella, an actual historical figure, would feel about a ridiculous comparison like that. GAH.

Now, if you want to take interest in something that ACTUALLY matters, let's talk about making the world a better place:


The Hunger Site is something I stumbled upon in college. It, and its sister sites (Literacy, Child Health, Rainforest, Animal Rescue, and Breast Cancer), donate all advertising proceeds to their cause. They share a giant store, too, where you can buy fair trade, organic, recycled, and awareness-raising items. So pick your favorite and do something good today. For my sanity.

U.G.L.Y.: When in Rome...

Okay. I like the movie Gladiator as much as the next person--actually, I bet I like it more, because that was the movie that spawned by bizarre infatuation with Joaquin Phoenix, for whom I nursed a crush until he started showing up in public with a dead animal on his face. I hear this new homeless look is part of an elaborate ruse with his brother-in-law Casey Affleck, but we'll see.

So, I love Gladiator. And yet, I don't love these:

It's one thing to respect the craft, because Joaquin Phoenix totally blew everybody else out of the water (and I still CANNOT BELIEVE he didn't win an Oscar for it), but it's another thing entirely to dress like a character in your everyday life. I will be most alarmed if I start seeing gilded armor and togas at the mall.

P.S. If you DO want to wear those, they're from Aldo.

On the Cheap: Bookshelf

I'm feeling very ho-hum today, which doesn't make sense. The sun is shining, I'm eating Doritos, and my bangs look good--three things that greatly contribute to my happiness--but I'm just... blaaaaaaah. Maybe it's because I thought today was Tuesday until about 3 o'clock, when I was reminded by an eagle-eyed co-worker that it's actually Monday.

Anyway, my husband and I have been furniture shopping lately and we're stopping at Target after work to look at a bookshelf:

The Avington furniture line is on sale this week, and my shelf is $99, marked down from $129. If you're of the "IKEA has the cheapest furniture ever" club, suck on THIS:

The Markor bookcase is $169 (or $129 for an uber narrow version). If my wallet hadn't already spoken, I think I would've gone with the Target shelf anyway, because none of my IKEA bookshelves have ever moved well. The last one fell apart on my foot, actually, so I'm not in a hurry to go down that road again. Word on the street (sometimes called customer reviews) is that the Target shelf is sturdy, so hopefully my little piggies are safe this time.

Miscellaneous: Housekeeping

It has occurred to me that I don't have any tags on my posts. I categorize them, sure, but if anybody tried to search for a subject, they'd be up the metaphorical creek. So I'm fixing the problem!

Hopefully I'll also have time to bring you some pretties. Thanks in advance for your patience, grasshoppers.

On the Cheap: One more sale

Sometimes when I mean to window shop, I just shop. Other times, I think I'm gonna buy half the store and then I leave in a funk because everything was ugly. Today was option three: I found something I liked, but didn't have time to wait in line because I had to walk the rest of the way to work.

I wish I DID have time, because it was cute. I also wish I had a time machine, so I could go back to Wednesday and add Charlotte Russe to my good sale list. They were having a jewelry sale: earrings, bracelets and rings were all 2 for $8, so I spent most of my 15 minutes in there looking at the jewelry wall (which was backlit and made my eyes water, wah!). Also happening, though I'm not sure for how long, is a lottery-inspired scratch-off game where you get either 25% or 50% off your entire order.

And we would be remiss to forget their summer blowout, which includes this little number for $5:

Oh yeah, here's what I wanted to buy:

Cute, but not cute enough to be late for work. Methinks I'll have to make a return trip on the way home.

Miscellaneous: Sign of the Apocalypse?

Yesterday, I had a post in which I got myself all worked up about Project Runway's move to Lifetime, and how the show would be terrible now, and Lindsay Lohan would replace Heidi and my life would be over.

Well. My rant was closer to the truth than I expected:

She was the guest judge. It was a red carpet challenge and they chose LINDSAY LOHAN (I typed "Lindsassy" on accident), the girl who shows up to red carpet events wearing tights instead of real pants. Nobody should be trusting her judgement.

The show itself wasn't too different, thank god, though Lifetime has an annoying habit of using a crawl that takes up the bottom third of the screen. And I don't think I've ever seen so many commercials for romantic comedies and overactive bladder medicine.

Did you watch? Comment!

Wedding$: Bargain Bling

If you've never been home sick from school/work and discovered the glory of QVC while laying on the couch in a pile of Kleenex, you're missing out. Not on the illness, but on the deals to be had!

One of their more famous products is Diamonique, "the world's best simulated diamond" (their words, not mine--though I agree). Diamonique is all the rage in my family; my mom, grandma, two aunts, and myself all own several pieces. When I got married, my mom and I butted heads over whether or not I would wear a bracelet. I was like, "NO I HATE THEM," and was all, "Shut up and borrow one from your aunt!"

I'm glad I listened, because I got to wear this pretty thing all day:

That picture doesn't do it justice. None of my wedding pictures did, either. It was VERY sparkly without looking over-the-top, and had a nice art deco style. Now, I will warn you: Diamonique is more expensive than, say, a rhinestone bracelet, but that's because Diamonique is higher quality. This particular item is part of the Epiphany Platinum line. Not solid platinum (like THAT would ever be a bargain), but sterling silver covered with a layer of the pricey metal. It will set you back $90. (Or zero dollars if you borrow it.)

Miscellaneous: Project Runway

Project Runway is back tonight... on Lifetime. I've been known to host PR viewing parties in the past, but this year I'm too wary about the network switch to muster any enthusiasm. (My husband had to tell me it was going to be on, actually, and then he set the reminder on Comcast. At least somebody's excited.)

So, I'm going to watch, mainly for old time's sake. Best case scenario, the show is identical to what was on Bravo and there's just a different logo in the lower right hand corner. Worse case scenario, Heidi and Tim get replaced mid-season by, like, Lindasy Lohan and P. Diddy (both of whom have clothing lines, so they're TECHNICALLY experts, I suppose, but in the same way that I'm TECHNICALLY a mechanic because I know how to put gas in my car).

Anyway, watch if you dare. Tonight on Lifetime, 10/9c.

P.S. Here's their new website. It kind of sucks.

On the Cheap: Seasons Change

Stores are getting their fall merchandise and we all know what that means: Clearance! Unfortunately, there aren't enough hours in the day to check out everything (pesky things like jobs and spouses get in the way), so I've done some research and found the best places to hit. Hopefully we can look like this happy person when we're finished:


1. Macy's. Not only are they having their semi-annual home sale this week, but they're liquidating all of their summer garb. I was at one of their 14 million stores this weekend and it's worth a trip. If you are, for some reason, not near one, Macys.com had a fit of organization and sorted their clearance items by price, including the magical $19.99 and under.

2. Fair Indigo. If you prefer to shop fair trade (which, let's be honest, is unlikely if you read this blog, but JUST IN CASE), then you'll be thrilled to know FI is having another bestseller sale. Items are 50%-70% off.

3. DSW. I was here the other day, too, and I got a pair of boots for $27 from their "last chance" area. The selection varies by store since it's all department store leftovers, but they offer a set collection online. I'm not sure how they manage it, but the sale includes a mixture of summer AND winter footwear, so go on and take a gander.

4. Bed Bath and Beyond. If you need ANYTHING for your house, this is the place to go. Summer stuff is obviously marked down, but so are a lot of other, seasonally-neutral things, like bedding, rugs, and Wii Guitar Hero. As with DSW, the clearance items will vary by store, so for a more complete look check out the web.

Any other suggestions? Leave 'em in the comments. Happy browsing!

U.G.L.Y.: Designer Disaster

There's a substance in Harry Potter called wartcap powder. Harry and his friends first encounter it while doing some cleaning at his godfather's long-neglected house. The powder gets on somebody's hand, and it immediately gets all lumpy and covered with--you guessed it!--warts.

Now picture the same thing happening to a foot:

That also reminds me of a documentary I saw on TLC a while ago, called The Man with Tree Legs or something equally tasteful, about a gentleman in Asia who had a very agressive virus that caused warts to cover his limbs. They looked EXACTLY like that boot.

Sadly, I'll never know WHAT inspired Alexander McQueen to do this because all Vogue Paris gives me is "Bottine Victorienne sertie de crystal Swarovski et ouverte sur le devant du pied. Prix sur demande." I don't speak French, but I can deduce "Swarovski crystal," "foot," and "price upon request," which isn't helpful.

Although... given all the weird things Mr. McQueen designs, do I really want to know what goes on inside his head? Probably not, even if it IS about Harry.

Web Gem: Shoe Fairy

When I was a kid, I'd try to catch a glimpse of the magical creatures we're supposed to believe in. I'd lay awake listening for the thump of Santa's sleigh on the roof so I could run downstairs and meet him by the tree, I'd try to catch the Easter bunny when he was hiding the eggs so I could find more than my sister, and I'd try to stay awake long enough to see what the Tooth Fairy looked like.

The Tooth Fairy freaked me out a little bit, because I couldn't decide how big she was supposed to be. I imagined faries being small, but this one couldn't be too tiny, or she wouldn't be able to hold the teeth AND all those quarters. (Or dollars, if your Tooth Fairy was more generous.) I ended up picturing a large, hairy person in a fairy costume sneaking through my window.

Anyway, that's not my point. All this childhood reminiscing got me thinking about how awesome it would be if adults got to believe in a Shoe Fairy. Instead of leaving teeth under a pillow, we could leave old shoes next to the bed, and when we wake up--poof!--the Shoe Fairy has replaced them with a new pair!

Of course, the downfall with the Shoe Fairy might be that we don't get to pick what we get, so maybe we should stick to buying our own footwear, after all. In that case, PiperLime is one of the better shoe websites I've seen. It falls under the Gap/Old Navy/Banana Republic umbrella, but they sell brands other than their own--typical department store fare like Nine West and Bandolino, and a few designers like Kate Spade and Marc Jacobs. You can sort by shoe type, brand, or price. Also featured: shoe sections for men and kids, plus a handbag shop.

If you want, you can always pretend the mailman is your Shoe Fairy when he brings the package. He might be flattered.

On the Cheap: Wild Thing

I'm of the belief that animal print never goes out of style. It's always around, but whether or not it's "hip" that year determines how easy it is to find. Leopard is apparently the animal of choice for '09, because in the last couple of weeks I've seen a dress, about five pairs of shoes, a necklace, and several dozen cardigans. Sadly, I haven't seen any leopard pants yet: My sister and I had matching pairs when we were in junior high (because we were COOL), and I'd like to revisit them.

If you're not that wild, this might be more your thing:

I picked this up on my way to work, actually. Forever 21 can go a little overboard on the trends, but this one works. And it's only $2.80, so even if you only wear it for a few months, it's not the end of the world. (By comparison, out growing my leopard pants WAS the end of the world, and I mourn them to this day.)

Get the headband and other, more adventurous items here.

Wedding$: Photog

For the most part, I was a very laid-back bride. There were only two big things I cared about: my dress (since everybody would be looking at it), and the photographer (for obvious reasons). And wouldn't ya know it, those two were the most irritating. The photographer situation was a complete debacle; I'll save the long-winded explanation for later, since I'm at work and it would be poor form to get enraged, but know that I had to find a new photographer 48 hours before the wedding.

Thankfully, a friend of a friend with a masters in photojournalism didn't have anything going on that day. He rode in on his white horse and SAVED the DAY. I know I yell a lot, but this time I MEAN IT. The pictures are fantastic, even better than they would have been with the original photograhper. In fact, I'm so happy with his work, he's getting a free plug:

Peter Hoffman is a name you need to remember when you get married. He was friendly, professional, eagle-eyed, and quick on the turnaround. We got our 2,430(!) pictures back in under three weeks! His website says to allow 4 to 6, which is still way ahead of the curve. I challenge ANY wedding photographer to match that.

His price was less than anything else I encountered, too: $2,350 is his typical flat fee, but he's willing to work within a budget.

Most importantly, the pictures are beautiful. That's one of them above. To see more from other weddings he's done, check out his website. I think it speaks for itself.

Oh, the Horror: Bah humbug!

In between college and my present job, I worked retail for an eventful 8 months. During that time, I wrote down most of the ludicrous things that happened to me and have decided to share some of them with you here. Not all at once, though, because that post would be long enough to fill the pages of Jane Eyre--quite the hefty tome if you've never read it.

I'll dish about customers, co-workers, and the employers themselves. If you have a horror story of your own, feel free to leave it in the comments. Or, if you follow me on Twitter, you can always direct message me there (unless 140 characters is enough room for your wrath).

Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

On with the show!

***
My tenure at The Department Store had the misfortune of covering the holidays. The day after Christmas was ugly. I was stationed by the main entrance in a cluster of return-only registers. There was a big sign and--get ready for this--a velvet rope to section off the line. I had just moved a long line of people through the ropes when I paused, waiting for somebody else to walk up. A woman behind me said,

"Are you open?"

There was a register back there and assuming she was speaking to that associate, I didn't respond.

"Excuse me," she said loudly, "ARE YOU OPEN?"

I looked around. "Me? Yes, I'm open."

"Then why am I waiting?" she demanded.

A lot of potential responses went through my mind, including, "Sorry, ma'am, the eyes on the back of my head must be covered by my ponytail!" The only thing that kept me civil was shock; she was next in line at the other register, and the customer in front of her was at the end of his transaction. She would've had to wait ten more seconds, but no, she was too good for that. I stood there for a second, totally thrown by her rudeness, before I said, "Sorry. I can ring you."

On her way over, she shook her head like she couldn't believe this was happening.

That made two of us.

Go Retro: Don Draper!

I'm not sure how I missed this, but it's back-to-school time. Today was the first day I'd gone to a store other than the grocery or furniture variety since the honeymoon and boy was there a lot to see! The store I chose to pop my post-Hawaii shopping cherry was Nordstrom Rack. They had a lot of Jackie O. coats and fall dresses that were pretty cute, but they were still a little out of my price range. (I shudder to think how expensive everything would've been had I gone into "real" Nordstrom.)

Since the faux retro stuff is too much, I found a dress that's actually from the 50s:

They call it a Mad Men dress, which is fun. I've never seen the show, but the guy who plays Don Draper was on TV a couple of times this week (with Conan and Regis) and he is FOXY. I don't know how he stayed under my radar for so long! If you aren't sure who I'm talking about, here's some eye candy. (SO PRETTY.)

Ahem. The dress is from FabGabs on Etsy and it can be yours for $65.

U.G.L.Y.: Fail.

Even though I'm a fairly intelligent person, there are things I don't understand. Like how Conan O'Brien gets his hair like that. Or most kinds of math. And why people think Robert Pattinson is attractive. (SERIOUSLY, somebody explain that to me. Is it because he makes such a convincing Edward Cullen? I can get into the emo, I'm-so-pale-I-look-sort-of-dead thing from time to time, but Robert looks like an actual corpse. That works for playing Edward, who's a vampire, but he might want to stop avoiding the sun in his real life.)

Tangents aside, I also don't understand this:

Yep, that's a romper. For those of you not satisfied with going back to your mother's or grandmother's time and wearing those clothes, you can return to your OWN youth and dress like a toddler! A rather scantily dressed toddler, but a toddler nonetheless.

Make the Investment: Back in Black

Sometimes, it's okay to pay full price. When buying the good sourdough, for example, or refusing to settle for the most basic cable package out of fear it won't include the Discovery Channel, and the Food Network, AND Bravo. (And maybe VH1, because I'm a sucker for watching Brett Michaels find "love.")

It's also fine to occasionally pay full price for clothes, if the item in question will be a wardrobe staple.

It's hard to go wrong with a good pair of black pants. They're like jeans; versatile, plus they come in every cut and style, so everyone can find a pair. These are the ones I've been wearing for almost a decade: the Editor Premiere Stretch from Express. This particular pair is $59.50, though the Editor umbrella covers prices from $49.50 to $88. Even at full price, they're not expensive, but if you still CANNOT fathom shopping when there isn't a sale, know they get marked down a few times a year, usually buy one get one half off. In fact, that's happening now! How perfect.

Like their denim counterparts, the Editor dress pants come in three lengths, 30", 33" and the blessed 35". (NOTE: if you put them in the dryer they WILL shrink, so learn from my mistake.) If you avoid zapping them into floods, they'll last you a long time. Like, years, providing you're not in the middle of a growth spurt.

They're worth the investment. I wouldn't wear bad pants for 10 years. Trust me.

On the Cheap: Suit Up!

Why, in the name of all things holy, is it so HOT? I know it's August in Chicago, but Mother Nature needs to get a grip on herself. Or maybe the Weather Channel needs to find more adept meterologists, because they were WAY off today: it was supposed to be 79 and rainy, but it's actually 87 with cloudless sky and no breeze. Bet you can't guess which one I'm prepared for.

Anyway, if you're like me and you feel like you're wearing too many clothes, comfort yourself with a bathing suit sale:

Victoria's Secret has started putting theirs on clearance. That one is $4.99 a piece. Be aware, there appears to be two tiers to the sale: the stuff that's actually on clearance, and stuff that's simply reduced 15 or 20%. This stuff will be easiest on the wallet.

Happy browsing! Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go figure out a way to climb into the fridge.

Hello, Gorgeous!: So, you're sunburned...

Sunburn happens to the best of us. Sometimes, if you're my hubby, it happens to you on the second day of your honeymoon.

When we got to Hawaii, we were told that the sun is REALLY INTENSE there, so we'd better put on that sunblock! I had gone tanning a few times to avoid looking pasty in my dress, so I had a base color, but Hubby had the delicate glow that comes from working in an office. Even with SPF 30, he was lookin' pretty crispy two hours later.

Sadly, the Walgreens in Honolulu was really far away and we didn't rent a car, so he had to go without his precious after-sun nectar:

We bought him another kind of aloe, but it just wasn't the same. No other after-sun lotion comes close to the generic Walgreens product with tea tree oil. It's a huge 16 oz. bottle for only $6.29, so nothing compares to the price, either.

And if you don't live near a Walgreens, don't fret! You can buy it online, though you should probably have it on hand before you get fried. So maybe buy it now.

Wedding$: Bargain Bride

It's hardly a newsflash that David's Bridal is the place to go for an inexpensive wedding dress. Most, if not all of them, are under a grand. You may not know this, but J. Crew sells wedding dresses, too. Not all of them are cheap, but this one is:

I can't think of too many stores that would sell a wedding dress for $450 and a tank top for $495, but I suppose that's what gives J. Crew some of its charm. You never know WHAT you'll end up paying! Quite the adventure.

On the Cheap: Sexy Secretary

It's nice that retro and/or classic styles are the thing right now. I was worried for a while that the 80s were going to make a full comeback, therefore triggering the four horsemen to make their locusty way over here, but luckily for humanity, better looking styles took over:


Ah, yes. The pencil skirt! Diane von Furstenberg normally makes patterned things, but she's apparently decided to branch out. The damage is typical for her, though, at $218.

Here's a reasonably-priced example:

Gosh, look at that. IDENTICAL! High waisted? Check. Black? Check. Twenty-five inches long? Check. I'm sure Ms. von Furstenberg makes a lovely skirt, but as long as Victoria's Secret sells the same thing for $58, I'll be shopping with them.

(Express also makes a slightly-less-identical version for $59.50, if you want a little more detail.)

U.G.L.Y.: This isn't a costume.

As a child, I was IN LOVE with the red Power Ranger, Jason. Siiigh. One of my friends had a crush on Tommy, the green one, and I remember having a lot of arguments about who was better. (Jason, obviously.) I also remember making my mom buy me a Power Rangers book I had no plans to read simply because Jason was on the cover.

Over the years I've grown into other celebrity crushes, like Bobby Flay (who has red hair... is there a pattern here?), but the red Ranger will always have a special place in my heart. In fact, I could dress like him if I wanted to!

I wish these were part of a costume, but they're for real. American Apparel has really outdone itself this time: if these aren't horrifying enough for you, they come in 12 other colors! Though not blue or white, so they couldn't be used as costumes for any future Power Rangers movie. Drat.

Go Retro: The brooch is back.

I don't want to brag, but I'm really proud of myself for this one:

No, not my boob (even if it did look nice that day). I'm talking about the brooch. I was poking through a jewelry bin at an antique mall, and there it was, in a little plastic bag with a $2 price tag. Even for vintage jewelry that's dirt cheap, so I figured it was missing some stones, or somebody died wearing it or something. But it was perfectly fine! The silver was kind of tarnished and it wasn't made by a famous designer, but those are real crystals. It was so sparkly that the darker metal didn't matter, anyway.

Most people only look at the "fancy" stuff in the cases, but don't forget to check out the rest. Since the brooch, I've found two pairs of sparkly $8 earrings just shoved into boxes, the poor little guys. So help them out.

Ma, Look What I Got: Put a ring on it!

Here's what I'd like to know. What happens if you're eating an oyster and you find a pearl? I hear plenty of stories about severed fingers in taco meat or whatever, but what about finding something good?

I didn't find a pearl at a restaurant (and I won't, because I think oysters look like giant boogers and one is never getting anywhere near my face) but we did make a purchase:


I wasn't going to get a ring (since, you know, I just got one during my wedding), but there you are. The ring itself is is of little consequence here, since the way I got it was so cool. The Pearl Factory is a normal-looking jewelry kiosk, with bright lights and a friendly salesperson. And big bowls of oysters! That's right, I picked my own pearl. Well, I picked an oyster. Then the guy opened it, dug out the pearl, and set the jewelry right in front of me. Insta-ring!

You can buy pre-set items either at a store or online, but it's better to go the pick-an-oyster route. An oyster is $14.99 and settings start at either $9.99 online or $20 in-store. The most expensive setting is $800-something. By comparison, they sell some pre-made things that cost a few grand. If you're feeling especially thrifty, you could always wait for one to show up in your food, but I'd rather shell out the $15 and save myself the slime.

Miscellaneous: I'm Baaaack!

Aloha! Despite some wicked jet lag, it's back to work, back to the blog, and back to normal for this girl. While I track down some deals, here's a pretty:

That's Hanauma Bay. The dark blobs in the water are coral, and they're unpleasant to bang your leg on as you snorkle past.

More bargains are on the way! Sit tight.