Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Texts from Jane Eyre

This is a total departure today, but I think you'll forgive me. This is magic. A true gem of the internet.

It's Texts from Jane Eyre.

I. Cannot. Stop. Laughing. I've read it through about five times now, and I still do the shriek-y cackle that scares Hubsey. In fact, he took his computer and went into the dining room, but the joke's on him because that's only 15 feet away from where he was, AND he can still hear me.

Jane Eyre

I won't put the whole thing here, for that you'll need to head over to The Hairpin, but this is my favorite part (Hubsey wants me to clarify, this is Rochester talking to Jane):

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JANE WHERE HAVE YOU GONE
I AM BEREFT AND WITHOUT MY JANE I SHALL SINK INTO ROGUERY
i am with my cousins
WHICH COUSIN
IS IT THE SEXY ONE
Please don't try to talk to me again
IS IT YOUR SEXY COUSIN
"ST. JOHN"
WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS ST. JOHN
I'm not going to answer that
I KNEW IT
DID YOU LEAVE BECAUSE OF MY ATTIC WIFE
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT
yes
absolutely
BECAUSE MY HOUSE IN FRANCE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE AN ATTIC
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT
IT HAS A CELLAR THOUGH SO YOU KNOW
DON'T CROSS ME
HAHA I'M ONLY JOKING

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Ohmygod. It's so perfect I only wish I came up with it first. And for the record, I think Attic Wife would make a great insult. If you liked this one, there's also Texts from Scarlett O'Hara, which is equally hilarious.

What did you think? Rolling with laughter? Suspecting I'm weird? Hoping the author will do other characters? (Mr. Darcy would be hysterical.)

12 comments:

  1. I agree I would love to read text messages to and from Darcy! Thanks for sharing.

    Lori D.
    Atlanta

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  2. You crack me up Paige :) I can just see you reading this and The Hubs rolling his eyes :)

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  3. Oh my gosh that is awesome!! The last part had be laughing! Also, attic wife is a brilliant insult!!

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  4. HA! I need to send this to my mom. Jane Eyre is her all time fave.

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  5. Oh man, I'm super glad you liked it! There will be more texts forthcoming, I promise.

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  6. I've never seen this! Yes, there are so many characters that would be good...really anyone from Jane Austen. I need to check out this site. :)

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  7. Oh my gosh, thanks for sharing this! I laughed so hard I almost snorted water out of my nose at one point. :D

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  8. Things like this are so fun!
    I wish there was a Pride and Prejudice one :)

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  9. I would love texts from Mr. Darcy.

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  10. This is awesome! I want to suggest it to my book club. Thanks!

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